"Euro-English"

No offense intended… just something I hope you all will find entertaining 🙂

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the second year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

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2 thoughts on “"Euro-English"”

  1. Actually, I don’t know who wrote the piece originally—it was sent by someone in the DAAD mailing list. I found it very entertaining so I thought I’d share it with the few readers I have here c”, ))

    …eh… I hope the prof’s name isn’t Rourkee… She was my prof in German, and I actually liked her. Come to think of it, she’s probably one of the reasons most of my language electives were German… But then again, I’ve always had this “thing” with Germany before that one college friend said if there was such a thing as a past life, I’m most certainly would have been German then c”, ))

  2. hi,

    yep, that was indeed witty and entertaining– the combo trademark of G.B. Shaw;-) It was from a comment by G.B. Shaw, wasn’t it? He was very loyal to “English” English…

    …and I dread German– I was worst at it in my college days! Probably because the Professor was not handsome enough for me,thereby discouraging me to take the subject seriously (the Prof was a she, as a matter of fact). I’d take Russian anytime (if I could get rid of the case system).

    anyway, drop me a line when you’re not too busy. but that’s easy for me to say ‘coz i’m on vacation and have time to pester all my long-lost friends!

    take care!

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